Louie Anderson Live Journal

March 5^th – Watched Tommy Boy today. Man!, was David Spade a terrible person to work with.

March 12^th – Wrote angry letters to Tom Cruise again, Cheetos dust gunked up the key board at the library and the bitch librarian yelled at me and said if I didn’t at least wash my hands they wouldn’t let me sleep in bathroom anymore.

April 9^th- Won pie eating contest

Enemies List – Enemy #5 Secret Agent Tom Cruise. That dick has been ruining my life for far too long. I’ll get him as soon as my unemployment check clears.

April 25^th – The damn screen actors guild has denied my status and stopped recognizing me as Louie Anderson so my unemployment check won’t come. They say you at least have to work once every decade to keep you status, also my dues have all gone to pie & bourbon. This is the doing of that work stealing ass Tom Cruise.

May 1^st – Changed my IMDB profile to claim I gave 75,000 dollars to a charity and invented Family Feud I’d like to see paramount reject my script about the talking dog now.

May 3^rd – Slept with numerous supermodels who all told me exercise is unnecessary.

May 15^th – Another park bench collapsed during a 17 hour power nap. When will they start building steel to Louie Anderson standards?

June 9^th – That fucking Arby’s on 12^th and Ventura rejected my application again! They said I don’t have enough work experience, I told them that I played flower delivery guy in Ferris Bueller but they snickered and said that doesn’t count. Guess they haven’t seen a little movie called “Coming To America” in which I starred.

Enemies List – Enemy #84 MC Hammer thinks just because he’s the manager of that Arby’s on 12^th and Ventura he’s some kind of big shot; fuck that Tom Cruise disciple.

June 21^st – Checked Wikipedia page everyone thinks I’m dead. This is an obvious rumor started by a certain dick secret agent.

July 7^th – Purchased new home.

Enemies List – Enemy #127 Garbage man that came and lifted up my house and dumped into his truck, I had the pizza boxes just right.

July 19^th – I was great in The Big Lebowski.