Hey America have you heard about this Charlie Sheen fella, well he sure is crazy. I vehemently disapprove of his recent comments and mannerisms. He should be ashamed of himself and he made my favorite show go off the air, so we prayed for him in my church group, but one of the older women fell over and broke her hip so I think it was a Charlie Sheen demon that did it; and now I hide in a closet with a bible and radio tuned to Rush Limbaugh.
This is how every single news station in the country sounds right now. I think I may be the only person on earth who not only doesn't care about Sheen's actions but adamantly encourages them. Be honest people Charlie Sheen is only living the american dream; the only thing that could be more patriotic than what he's doing would be a football made out of bald eagle. Charlie Sheen made an ass load of money and spends it all on a constant supply of drugs, booze, and loose women. He has so much money he calls a car crash 11:30 a.m. So stop being hypocrites america everyone of you would trade places with him in an instant.
Now I know we all like to see celebrities suck and burn, especially when they crash like a fleet of hindenburgs into three mile island, but I wasn't even done making fun of Gwyneth Paltrow pretending to be a country singer/life advice guru yet; and now we've got to talk about Charlie Sheen doing the same thing he's been doing for years. Another failure well come along don't worry so for now just sit back and watch Charlie descend into Gary Busey levels of crazy.
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